Monthly Archives: March 2006

I’M A GOLDEN GOD!!!

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This morning I first shook off a particular weird dream to wake up in a sort of
David Lynch type reality. The back of my right leg had turned purple from just
below the back of my knee all the way up to my ass in a strange sort of striped
manner. Apparantly this was the visual part that belonged to the pain I’ve
been suffering ever since I injured my hamstring while karaoke-ing Queens’
‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ at the ‘vergulden glimlach’s Karaoke Roadshow’ doin’
the LA Lounge. How does one get injured from singing karaoke, you ask? Well,
since I wanted to spice that crap track up a bit I whipped out a Van Halen Jump
like you’ve never seen one before. Tough luck! Forgot I was completely out
of shape. Now this haemorrhage looks pretty fucking bizarre, as if I come from
another planet. Remember V?

Anyway, back to that dream. I woke up and remembered I dreamt I was a
sort of extra guitar player for The Apers, a dutch band that started as a typical
Ramones-Queers-Screeching Weasel type band, but added some other
influences to their music as they grew some older, I guess. Anyway, they
made nothing but fast, beer-fuelled punk rock in my dream. The Apers in my
dream were the old Apers line-up, namely Ivo, Marien* and Kevin Aper plus
somehow two girls also played in this band. Either that or Marien and Kevin
just turned into girls occasionally and these girls would turn back into Kevin
and Marien as soon as I was checking out their faces, trying to find out who
they were. In my dream we were on stage getting ready for a gig in a huge
place, on a huge stage facing about forty people showing up as audience.

I was tuning my guitar which took me about fifteen minutes, the crowd wasn’t
altogether really nice about that, but now my band members were getting
pretty fed up with my unprofessional behaviour as well. Then, when I finally
thought I had my act together I started playing some of the most terrible crap
you ever heard. I took a shy peek at the audience, who were moving out one
by one and I started to panic some, but not too much. I looked at my guitar
and noticed the first three strings were a perfect mess all wound up in each
other —which is of course quite impossible, but hey, in dreams stuff like that
makes sense, or at least it did now.

The girls in the band assured me that this was the last time I’d played with
them. Somehow all this crap suddenly made me realise what a comic situation
I was in and I laughed out loud, which made the rest of the band (I think it
it was a six-piece group by now) laugh also. Because of all these good vibes
my guitar was back in tune and I started playing the Feelies ‘Crazy Rhythms’
first few bars and we were just about to rock that joint when my mobile phone
went off in real life. I figured out that it was all just a dream. Damn! I’d rather
hadn’t heard that call at all and continued rocking out with that hillarious group
instead. But maybe I had just fucked up more and it was all for the best.

Anyway, this all seemed a good occasion to inform you all on the first of four
‘The Apers Ten Year Anniversary’ Parties at WaterFront at may 4! Bound to
sell out, so get those tickets early if you want to catch ’em. I promise y’all
that I won’t be playing along.

*Marien’s the guy with the white circle round his head. I talked about him in
an earlier post. He’s quite the trivial pursuit player and fun maker. If you see
him around, say hi to him for me.

1 jaar Nutopia!

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Next Saturday night I’ll be playing some ‘deunen’ alongside DJ Johan ‘Boonie’
Kleinkunst
, DJ Frenk AND performance artist slash DJ slash ‘whatever’ Charlie
at the Salon Nutopia.

I really wouldn’t know what to expect, since I’ve never been there, but it feels
like great fun already. The Dutch dialogue following this piece of text might
help you feel some of the vibe of the night in advance. Or so I’ve been told.

important stuff:
Salon Nutopia
Zaagmolenstraat 197/199
3036 HM Rotterdam
Susanne Volder 0651912351
Jacoline van der Meer 0626268991

time schedule:
09.00-10.00 pm Charlie
10.00-11.30 pm Rufus
11:30-00:00 pm Frenk & Boonie
00:00-00:15 am ACT CHARLIE
00:15-BADABOOM am/pm Frenk & Boonie again

explanatory text:
SUUS: Dit noem ik nou een NUtopisch plaatje. Nou ja, het is eigenlijk de
Utopie van vorig jaar. Voor Ishaq dan. Eh…We hebben nu een soort van…
Het zegt niets over, ehm, Ik vind het wel een nutopisch plaatje, toch, maar
het zegt niets over eh, over nu, nou ja, we hebben wel een goed jaar gehad,
geloof ik..
JACCO: ……
SUUS: Hoe zou Nutopia er volgend jaar uitzien, denk jij? Ik ben de laatste
tijd niet echt geïnspireerd. Misschien moeten we aan iedereen die we kennen
vragen waar die denkt te zijn, of wil zijn, of kan vertellen of… waar wil je
volgend jaar …
JACCO: Volgend jaar? Dan zit ik op, nee onder een vuilnisbelt van onverwerkte
beelden en informatie… boehoe!…
SUUS: Ja, ja we vragen of de mensen iets meenemen waar ze het komend
Nutopisch jaar vanaf willen……
JACCO: Ja geweldig. En dat is dan ons cadeau.

There never was a city kid truer and bluer

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‘Klik’ hier als je een mad grappig filmpje wilt zien van zes dames die zowel
het fenomeen ‘museumnacht’ als het verschijnsel ‘kunst’ onder de loep
nemen. Onder hen, mijn oude buurmeisje Marijke (29, grafisch ontwerper)
en een meisje dat mij veel te dik vindt en zich afvraagt of een cacaoboon
een boon is.

kill the painter, cause it’s printed that matters

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This last week I’ve been painting like hell! When you’re on the move to a new
home, it’s good to paint it first, as you can see on my outfit above, laughter…
Now I am packing my stuff, and boyeee oh boyeee I’ve got so many stuff.
I will be so happy when this is all behind me.. Cause then I am ready to work
again. You got to take care of business, you know…

Speaking of business, our book ‘Een Dure Grap’ [An Expensive Joke] early
HuMobisten years (2000-2005) is for sale at the following shops:

Rotterdam
Sim-Central – Witte de Withstraat 13 – info@SIM-central.nl
MOOSE shop – Haringvliet 619 – info@hellomoose.nl
Donner – Lijnbaan 150 – donner@donner.nl
Nederlands Architectuur Instituut – Museumpark 25 – tel: 010-4401200
Willem De Kooning Academy Gallery Blaak10 – Witte de Withstraat 7a – info@blaak10.nl
Voorheen Van Gennep – Oude Binnenweg 131-b – tel: 010-4330592
De Kunstsuper – Grote Visserijstraat 7B – tel: 010-2430816

Amsterdam
90SQM – Levantplein 52 – info@90sqm.com
Athenaeum – Spui 14-16 – info@athenaeum.nl
Galerie Artspace Witzenhausen – Hazenstraat 60 – witzenhausen@art-space.nl

Den Haag
TAG – Stille Veerkade 19 – tel: 070-3468500

Arnhem
Blend Store – Willemsplein 46 – info@blend.nl

(More shops to be confirmed soon!)

review to a kill

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Check out de recensie over Milarepa in de Volkskrant van gisteren,
en de recensie van Elda Dorren over het lustrum van de HuMobisten op
haar blog (verschijnt komend April nummer in de Items).

beng beng Boateng…

Neeltje Johanna van Heese – van Gorp

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‘want ik ben en blijf een optimist’
november 9, 1975 – march 5, 2006 †

In an earlier post I talked about Neeltje. About a week later she has left us.
I went to the funeral with delegates from the Fret Click to bring our respect.
Neeltje van Gorp will be missed…

Week of the Headache

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Last week the optician called to say he LOST (???) my glasses, that same
day my cellphone died. Then last tuesday our band band split up, yesterday I
broke a key inside a lock, today I got booked for cycling on the sidewalk (30!
euros fine), but the most bizarre day was last wednesday when my father and
me ate a paper sandwich.
I asked him to help me out filing a pile of papers, (unpayed) bills, letters, tax
mail and moreofthesames. I had a pile of junk the size of myself going on my
file cabinet, so I thought it usefull to finally get organisized like Travis Bickle.
It turned out I’m in some kind of mess (as I had suspected), but I wouldn’t be
a capricorn if I wouldn’t somehow turn this crap around and make it work for
me dammit.
And finally it seems that it did. This shit had happened to me before. Not once,
not even twice, but a great couple of times, I guess. Then it hit me: Sleep early
and stop investing in local bars ’n stuff just might help. I went to all authorities
where I had managed to screw up relations with, made early appointments,
quit the mary jane, had my bike fixed and found some angels to help out not
just for moral support, but practical also. So I’m climbin’ up that mountain
people, even if it feels pointless. In a few weeks from now I’ll tell y’all if it
worked or at least how it’s going.
Meanwhile if you’ve got some nice graphics to be designed, hesitate not and
give me a call! I’m pretty close to getting an extra night job.

Quote du Jour:
(When listening to my old roommate Marien’s favourite album of that time
‘Surf’s Up’ by the Beach Boys, I came across this beauty:)

Take good care of your feet, Pete
You better watch out what you eat, Pete
Better take care of your life
’Cause nobody else will
They’ll twinkle when you fall in love
And put you there when you jump up above
When you’re on the spot, get them right under you
One, then the other too

(From: Take A Load Off Your Feet / Alan Jardine, Gary Winfrey)
(drawing taken from Kafka’s Der Prozess, illustrator unknown
– tho it could be Ben Shahn)

HET NIEUWS: een selectieve selectie

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Deze Habbo & Habbo komen uit de NL10. Helaas is-ie al een beetje oud, dus
daarheen gaan is er niet meer echt bij. Lees echter even aandachtig wat u en
ik allemaal gemist hebben. Jammer!
Verder lees ik vandaag (zeer aktueel dus) in Metro dat Carice van Houten nog
een jaartje nodig heeft om alles een beetje op een rijtje te zetten ‘en dan gaan
we maar eens op zoek naar een leuke zaaddonor’. Als u zich afvraagt of u bij
Carice in de smaak zou kunnen vallen, wijs ik u graag op de volgende quote:
‘Ik trek dat hippe gewoon echt niet. Waarom moet dat? Ik vind het gewoon leuk
als ik de nerd in iemand kan zien, maar die zijn gewoon weg(!)’. Nu vraag ik je?
Goed nieuws voor iemand als… ikzelf!
Als laatste nieuws: De Spam die ik vandaag in mijn inbox gepopt kreeg van
ene Will, oftewel aeh43dollars@hotmail.com. Die ging ongeveer zo:
‘How much would your life improve if you could pay as little as half as much for
the drugs you use now?’ en dan een URL. Ha ha! Ik heb ’em maar geforward
naar alle taggers die ik ken…

De planeet Aarde; een wonderlijke plek in het universum.

In the future everyone will know our bookie

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Get a copy of our publication ‘Een Dure Grap’ [An Expensive Joke] early
HuMobisten years (2000-2005). It’s now for sale at the Willem De Kooning
Academy Gallery Blaak10, NAI, MOOSE and (aswell online) at SIM-Central.
All these shops are in Rotterdam, more shops to be confirmed in Rotterdam
and the rest of the Netherlands and the entire world SOON! It’s 15 euros, baby!

photos: Frank Hanswijk

Need a home?

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I am leaving my house. I found a new one. So if you need a house in
Rotterdam, this can just be an option for you. This house on the picture
above will be available from April 1st (and that ain’t no joke!). It’s located
at the Gouvernestraat next to Cinema Lantaren/Venster. Gouvernestraat is
an old street in Rotterdam, and is famous because ‘de reus van rotterdam’
has lived there (but something ate him, look out for that if you wanna live
there). Interested? Let me know…