I’M A GOLDEN GOD!!!

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This morning I first shook off a particular weird dream to wake up in a sort of
David Lynch type reality. The back of my right leg had turned purple from just
below the back of my knee all the way up to my ass in a strange sort of striped
manner. Apparantly this was the visual part that belonged to the pain I’ve
been suffering ever since I injured my hamstring while karaoke-ing Queens’
‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ at the ‘vergulden glimlach’s Karaoke Roadshow’ doin’
the LA Lounge. How does one get injured from singing karaoke, you ask? Well,
since I wanted to spice that crap track up a bit I whipped out a Van Halen Jump
like you’ve never seen one before. Tough luck! Forgot I was completely out
of shape. Now this haemorrhage looks pretty fucking bizarre, as if I come from
another planet. Remember V?

Anyway, back to that dream. I woke up and remembered I dreamt I was a
sort of extra guitar player for The Apers, a dutch band that started as a typical
Ramones-Queers-Screeching Weasel type band, but added some other
influences to their music as they grew some older, I guess. Anyway, they
made nothing but fast, beer-fuelled punk rock in my dream. The Apers in my
dream were the old Apers line-up, namely Ivo, Marien* and Kevin Aper plus
somehow two girls also played in this band. Either that or Marien and Kevin
just turned into girls occasionally and these girls would turn back into Kevin
and Marien as soon as I was checking out their faces, trying to find out who
they were. In my dream we were on stage getting ready for a gig in a huge
place, on a huge stage facing about forty people showing up as audience.

I was tuning my guitar which took me about fifteen minutes, the crowd wasn’t
altogether really nice about that, but now my band members were getting
pretty fed up with my unprofessional behaviour as well. Then, when I finally
thought I had my act together I started playing some of the most terrible crap
you ever heard. I took a shy peek at the audience, who were moving out one
by one and I started to panic some, but not too much. I looked at my guitar
and noticed the first three strings were a perfect mess all wound up in each
other —which is of course quite impossible, but hey, in dreams stuff like that
makes sense, or at least it did now.

The girls in the band assured me that this was the last time I’d played with
them. Somehow all this crap suddenly made me realise what a comic situation
I was in and I laughed out loud, which made the rest of the band (I think it
it was a six-piece group by now) laugh also. Because of all these good vibes
my guitar was back in tune and I started playing the Feelies ‘Crazy Rhythms’
first few bars and we were just about to rock that joint when my mobile phone
went off in real life. I figured out that it was all just a dream. Damn! I’d rather
hadn’t heard that call at all and continued rocking out with that hillarious group
instead. But maybe I had just fucked up more and it was all for the best.

Anyway, this all seemed a good occasion to inform you all on the first of four
‘The Apers Ten Year Anniversary’ Parties at WaterFront at may 4! Bound to
sell out, so get those tickets early if you want to catch ’em. I promise y’all
that I won’t be playing along.

*Marien’s the guy with the white circle round his head. I talked about him in
an earlier post. He’s quite the trivial pursuit player and fun maker. If you see
him around, say hi to him for me.